


Going English

by setos_puppy



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Frottage, M/M, Religious Content, Religious Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-09-06 18:04:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8763424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/setos_puppy/pseuds/setos_puppy
Summary: Kurt learns the truth about Sam's family.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Originally on Livejournal. Written back in 2011.

It was a few days after Kurt and Sam had won the duet competition with a rather spectacular rendition of _Show Me The Meaning of Being Lonely_ by the Backstreet Boys. They had gone to BreadstixX as amicable friends, they had spent the night talking - or rather Kurt talked a lot and Sam listened. That isn’t to say Kurt hadn’t learned much from his new classmate and fellow glee club member. He learned that Sam’s hair was indeed, natural (it had taken a lengthy test, but Sam had passed), he learned that Sam’s parents were out of town for work or something, so Sam was living with his cousin and his cousin’s wife. Kurt had also learned that Sam was adorable, painfully so. He was clueless when it came to most things music related, it was a miracle he could even play guitar, but he had a damn fine voice.

 

Sam also liked movies.

 

A lot.

 

Thankfully, his taste in movies was diverse, but he hadn’t seen a lot of them. Kurt had sent him home with a two page list of movies to watch over the weekend if he cared to do so. They weren’t all musicals, either, Kurt had made sure to throw in guy movies that he knew Finn would have approved of, like Die Hard. Most of the movies, however, were more philosophical, such as Donnie Darko and Sliding Doors. There may have also been a long list of musicals and Disney movies on the list. Only about fifteen. Or twenty.

 

Seriously, who hadn’t seen The Wizard of Oz?

 

Kurt had driven Sam home, and they parted with assurances that they would see each other at school. When Sam leaned over the middle console to press their mouths together Kurt had been pleasantly surprised. The kiss was chaste but lingering and when Sam pulled away, Kurt’s mouth was still tingling.

 

“See you later, Kurt,” Sam bade him before slipping out of the SUV like it was the most casual thing in the world.

 

Kurt Hummel had gone to bed with a smile on his face.

 

~*~

 

“Seriously? What is that dude?”

 

Kurt rose his eyes from his US History textbook at Puck’s question and looked over the small table to where Puck was looking, which was at the plastic tub that held Sam’s lunch.

 

“This is dumplings and apples with ham with coleslaw. Why?”

 

Puck’s brows creased and he took a bite of his sandwich and then a long swig of his soda. “Is it like an old family recipe or something?

 

Sam speared a piece of ham, apple and dumpling on his fork and took a bite. “Or something.” He agreed, tearing a piece off his pumpernickel bread and chewing on it slowly.

 

“Are they potato?” Kurt asked, interested now.

 

Sam rose his eyes from his math homework and nodded his head. “Yeah, would you like some?”

 

Kurt watched as Sam nudged the clear, rectangular container across the gap on the table and he pulled it over, peering down curiously. They were round, obviously boiled, not fried, and they sat atop a nest of coleslaw, caramelized apple slices and cubes of ham. Picking up his fork, Kurt wiped it on his napkin and took a forkful before sliding the container across the table as he chewed and assessed the food.

 

“Not bad, they’re kind of like knödel. Or at least the ones my aunt makes.”

 

Sam nodded his head a little, a faint smile curving his mouth upward. “I have some German in my family.”

 

“Explains the German flair in your food.”

 

Kurt sucked his plastic fork into his mouth and peered back down at his textbook, his mind returning to the Cold War.

 

Sam shrugged at the look Puck shot him before taking another bite of his lunch and turning his eyes back down at the algebra questions that were eluding him.

 

~*~

 

Sam closed the door behind himself, dropping his bag by the door he kicked off his shoes before placing them in the closet along with his jacket. He heard water running in the kitchen and followed the sound down the hall, hands in his pockets.

 

“Emma? Jonathan?”

 

Rounding into the kitchen Sam smiled at the sight of his cousin’s wife, Emma standing in front of the sink, washing dishes. She was attractive, just shy twenty five; she was dressed in an ankle length short-sleeved dress that was a dark green, her long, almost hip length hair was pulled into a thick braid. She turned her head when she heard him enter and smiled. “How was school, Samuel?”

 

“Good. Your _schnitz un knepp_ was amazing. What are you making for dinner?”

 

“Chicken corn soup with corn fritters. I made rhubarb pie for dessert too, I’ll give you a big slice with ice cream if you finish your homework and chores.”

 

Sam grinned, wrapping his arms around her in a tight hug and pressing his mouth to her temple. “You spoil me. I’m going to become gluttonous.”

 

“It’s not gluttony if its a slice.”

 

“Your pie is so good it should be a sin.”

 

She smiled and drained the sink, rinsing her hands clean and drying her hands on the apron tied around her waist. Her smile dimmed when she turned in Sam’s arms and set a hand on his cheek. “Something is troubling you. What’s going on in that head of yours?”

 

Sam lowered his eyes, shaking his head slightly. “I should not talk about it. It is...” He took in a breath, shaking his head. “It is a bad thing.”

 

Emma placed her hands on his cheeks and and tilted his face to look into his eyes. “No matter how bad you think it is, you can always talk to me about it. I promise. I will never judge you and I will always love you.”

 

Sam nodded slightly, his eyes darting about nervously. “Where’s Jonathan?”

 

“He and Issac are in the shop.”

 

Sam swallowed thickly, pulling away from her slightly, watching as her hands dropped down to her sides. “Can we talk in my room?”

 

“Of course.”

 

They paused briefly so Sam could pick up his bag and they headed up the narrow staircase and into the sparsely decorated guest bedroom. A kerosene lamp and box of wooden matches sat on a desk wedged in next to the dresser and a second was on the night table beside the well made bed adorned with a handmade quilt.

 

Sam dropped his bag by the desk and then sat down on the bed, he rubbed his palms on his jeans, trying to quell his nervousness. He watched as Emma crossed the room and sat down beside him, her eyes filled with compassion and a faint smile on her face. Sam exhaled and leaned forward, he opened the drawer to the night table and reached inside and pulled out a leather bound Bible.

 

The thick red ribbon jutted out at the bottom, marking the page and Sam flipped it open easily to the marked page. Inside, sitting in stark contrast to the black print on the white page was a blue sticky note over a passage. Wordlessly Sam passed it to Emma, who took it wordlessly and turned her eyes down to the page.

 

“ _Moses 3: 18:22 - Du sollst nicht beim Knaben liegen wie beim Weibe; denn es ist ein Greuel,_ ” Emma read out easily, the German flowing off her tongue without hesitation. She rose her gaze to Sam, who was biting his lip, his hands curled tightly against his his knees. Putting the Bible aside quickly Emma wrapped her arms around her cousin-in-law and held him close.

 

Sam sobbed quietly, his hands curled in the loose material of her apron as he pressed his face against her shoulder. “I...” He started, his voice coming out in shuddering gasps. “I try to be good. I don’t want to be an abomination! I’ve prayed. I’ve prayed until it ached inside and I can’t stop it. I keep trying to bury it but the thoughts are still there. I don’t want to be shunned but I don’t know if I can hide any longer. What do I do?”

 

Emma hushed him softly, one hand stroking down his hair, petting him in a soothing manner as she rocked him back and forth. “I do not know, Samuel.” She pressed a kiss to his temple as he clutched at her tighter, sobbing until he was breathless. “God will tell you, I can promise you that. I know it may not seem like it right now, but continue talking to the Lord and I’m sure the decision will come for you. You are not yet baptized, if the need arises you can do as Jonathan and I have done and leave and not be shunned.”

 

Sam nodded weakly, pulling himself away from her, his face reddened and streaked with tears. He sniffled, drawing an arm up to drag across a blotchy, wet cheek. “Do not tell anyone, please.”

 

Emma pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I will keep quiet, I promise. Now, go take a shower, hm? You will feel better.”

 

Sam nodded again and stood from the bed, heading out of the bedroom hunched in on himself, hands shoved deep in the pockets of his jeans. After a bit the sound of the shower started and Emma stood, carefully placing the Bible back where it belonged. Taking a deep breath, she smoothed down her apron and headed back downstairs, her prayers for Sam passing soundlessly through her lips as she worked.

 

~*~

 

“I thought we could watch some movies, since you clearly have been living under a rock or something.”

 

Sam snorted, watching as Kurt plucked DVDs from the expansive collection easily, running his fingers along the spines before picking one out, then another, then another. Once a decent pile he thrust them into Sam’s lap.

 

“So, what... Do you want me to pick four or something?”

 

“No, Sam, I want you to pick what you want to watch _first_.”

 

“Oh.” Sam peered down at the mess of boxes in his lap and started reading the backs. He paused on one, turning it over and over in his hands. “What about this one?” He asked, toting up the box into Kurt’s view.

 

“Dracula 2000. Not a bad choice. The twist on vampire lore is nice. You know the basic story right?”

 

Sam nodded. “I read the book.”

 

Kurt stood, taking the case and removing the DVD to slip it into the DVD player before sitting down and sliding up next to Sam easily, sighing happily when Sam settled an arm around his shoulders.

 

“Your dad will not get mad if he catches us like this?”

 

Kurt shook his head. “I told him that you were coming over, as long as hands stay out of pants and our clothes stay on, we’ll be fine.”

 

Sam laughed softly as Kurt selected the movie to start and nuzzled his nose into Kurt’s sweet smelling hair. “I do not think we have to worry about that right now.”

 

Sam settled in to watch the movie before frowning deeply and groaning at the sound of his cellphone ringing. “Let me get that.”

 

Kurt shifted away and Sam stood, pulling his phone out of his bag and peering down at the screen. He flipped the phone open with his thumb and smiled, turning his body away from Kurt as he pressed the phone to his ear. “Mama, guten tag.”

 

Kurt’s brow rose as Sam shifted from foot to foot. He was talking in a language that sounded like German, but some of the words sounded off, and there were random English phrases thrown in. Every so often Sam would stammer something out, a large jumble of mixed words and sounds that his mother on the other end of the phone clearly understood. Most of the conversation was Sam making affirming or denying noises with the occasional “ja” or “nein” thrown in for good measure.

 

Sam was speaking some odd dialect of German.

 

Sam’s first language, or at least the one he used at home, wasn’t English.

 

“Ja, mama. Gott segne dich, bye bye.” Sam snapped the phone shut and after a minute of poking at it, turned it off and face Kurt with a smile. “Sorry about that.”

 

“I didn’t know you spoke German.”

 

“Pennsylvania Deitsch, actually,” Sam corrected gently. “I’ll be right back, I need to go to the bathroom.”

 

Kurt nodded and tracked Sam as he headed up the stairs before pulling out his iPhone and clicking up Safari. Lightning fast thumbs queued in the language that Sam had given and Kurt pulled up the wikipedia page, shifting in place as he read. He hummed as he read statistics and origins before his eyes stopped - _Amish and Mennonite language_ \- what?

 

Sam wasn’t Amish.

 

Kurt shoved the phone back in his jeans as he heard footsteps thunder down the stairs and seconds later Sam flopped down on the couch, kicking out the footrest. Kurt smiled at him, sliding close and laying a head on his chest as they finally started the movie.

 

Sam couldn’t be Amish.

 

Could he?

 

~*~

 

The following Monday, Kurt waited at Sam’s locker during the lunch break. They never had morning classes together, and he wanted to talk to him. He watched people flit by, his eyes searching for Sam with no luck. Maybe he was sick... Sighing, Kurt decided to spend the lunch hour in the choir room, moping.

 

Kurt opened the door quietly, looking into the room and smiling faintly when he spotted Sam sitting at the piano, reading quietly, mouth moving with what he read. The book rested open atop the keyboard cover, leaving Sam’s hands free to eat lunch, make notes and turn the pages.

 

“What are you reading?”

 

Sam turned his head, his eyes settling on Kurt with a faint smile on his face. “Homework.”

 

Kurt crossed the room, sitting on the piano bench next to Sam, who had closed the book and folded his hands atop it. Kurt reached for it curiously, pulling it out from Sam’s fingers and turning the tattered book over in his hands. “King James Bible, huh? I didn’t know you were taking religion.”

 

“I’m not. This is personal homework.”

 

Kurt thumbed the book open to where the pages were dog eared, it was an old copy with writing in the margins, in loopy, feminine writing. Kurt hummed softly. “Leviticus, hm?” 

 

“Look, Kurt... I know you are not religious but I am. Could you please give it back?”

 

Kurt closed the Bible and set it aside, watching as Sam picked it up and set it aside in his bag along with his notebooks. “I prefer Paul’s First Letter to the Corinthians myself, he talks about love.”

 

Sam zipped his bag up harshly, almost ripping the zipper loose in his angry haste. “He also talks about sexual immorality and who isn’t allowed into Heaven.”

 

Kurt’s mouth set into a line and he sighed, looking away. “Sam, are you Amish? Or are you Mennonite?”

 

“Amish. New Order. I’m from Holmes County.”

 

Kurt scoffed, shaking his head, his eyes filling with tears. “Figures. I find the perfect guy and his religion stands between us.”

 

“That is really unfair Kurt. I like you. I really, really do. I want to be with you... but...”

 

“But what? But you can’t?”

 

“It’s forbidden, Kurt. I do not want to be shunned from my family. I’m on _rumspringa_ right now Kurt. I need to choose what I want in my life. Kurt this is not my world. I try so hard to blend in but there is so much. This world is too much. I’m used to the quiet. I’m used to the slow pace.”

 

Kurt pushed himself off of the bench, rolling his eyes even as tears dripped down his cheeks. “Awesome. _Awesome_ so I’m what? I’m a fling during your get out of jail free period? You can mess around with boys all you like until you have to go home and then you get baptized and it’s all better? Is that how this works?! Newsflash, Sam, I’m still here after you go home! I don’t disappear once you join your fucking church and have ten babies. Why did you come here, Sam? Why did you even kiss me? Why did you even drag me into this?”

 

“Kurt, wait!” Sam called, pushing himself off of the paino bench but Kurt had already wrenched open the door to the hallway and slipped out. Sam slumped back down on the piano bench and dropped his head in his hands. “God, please... If you can hear me... I need your help...”

 

~*~

 

Sam found himself crying at night, weeping for the simple life he had had, there were times when he thought about simply jumping the fence and never returning home, perhaps the most blasphemous thought ever, but he wanted it so badly. He wanted Kurt and he wanted his religion but the two could never peacefully coexist. There was a war between his head and his heart, and he wasn’t sure which side was going to win or if it was a lose-lose situation overall.

 

He spent nights praying, laying awake and asking for God to give him the guidance and strength to handle his current situation. He knew that the Lord never gave you more than you could handle. He pleaded for forgiveness in the depths of the night when the house was quiet and the outside noise was hushed in the moonlight. When he was cradling his Bible to his chest, his hands trembling, his whole being feeling like he was being torn in a million directions at once.

 

If God never made mistakes and he truly was born gay, why would God have condemned him to such a life? In those times, when Sam would sit in bed, reading Proverbs by the light of his kerosene lamp, he wondered if it was that kind of thinking that had turned Kurt from God.

 

His faith was all he had. It was so deeply engraved in who he was. In what he was. In what comprised his culture. Sam wasn’t sure if he had the strength to throw away all he had; all God had given to him. He didn’t know if he could turn his back on his family, friends and Lord like that.

 

But Kurt...

 

Kurt twisted something deep within him that even the meager youthful lust driven thoughts he had had at home could never compare with. There were moments when he could look at Kurt, when he could think of Kurt, and the sudden chaos of the outside world would melt away and there would be calm and peace once again.

 

Saying his nightly prayers, Sam slipped his Bible away, extinguished his lamp and rolled onto his stomach, falling into a restless sleep.

 

~*~

 

Kurt steadied himself, standing at the edge of the small path leading up to the steps and then to Sam’s door. It had been over a week since he and Sam had fought in the choir room and Sam hadn’t returned to school since that day and wasn’t answering any of Kurt’s texts. Kurt worried he had scared Sam off, back to Holmes County, until Mercedes told him she had spotted Sam the night before at the grocery store.

 

Kurt figured it was time for him to get over his stubbornness and apologize. So he had bought a bouquet of fresh flowers, dressed down and was trying his hardest to approach the damn door. With a deep breath, Kurt climbed the steps and knocked on the door. After a few long moments the door was opened by a homely looking woman with milky skin and wide grey eyes, she had a baby resting in the crook of her arm, sleeping against her shoulder. She had round frame glasses and was dressed in a long dress, smock and a white bonnet.

 

“Can I help you?”

 

“Uh, yeah. I’m Kurt, I’m here to see Sam?”

 

The woman smiled warmly and offered her unoccupied hand. “Pleased to meet you. I’m Ida, Samuel’s sister, please, come inside, and mind your shoes.”

 

Kurt stepped inside the house, taking care to place his shoes along side all of the others before following Ida into the depths of the house as she called out in Pennyslviania Deitsch. He followed her into the kitchen where she sat the round bonnet wearing infant on the floor, easily slipping into place beside the other woman in the house, who was dressed in a similarly conservative manner but who had uncovered long brown hair.

 

“There are peach preserves more back,” Sam’s voice rang from behind Kurt and Kurt turned slowly, his expression carefully guarded. Sam was still dressed casually - in a pair of faded jeans and a flannel shirt over a t-shirt, but Kurt saw him in a completely different light. Sam stepped back slightly, his expression flickering to shock briefly before it wiped away for passivity. “Kurt...”

 

Emma rose her head from the potatoes she was slicing and looked over her shoulder, over Kurt and to Sam. A silent look of understanding passed between them and she nodded her chin slightly. “Samuel, you finished with your chores. You and your friend may talk out back if you would like.”

 

Sam gave a jerky nod, his breath leaving him in a rush. “Danke.”

 

They slipped out the side door to the back, which was shaded and they sat down on a bench underneath an oak yellowing oak tree on the far side of the lawn. They were silent as they swung back and forth lightly on the rocking bench lightly, the movement calming and soothing.

 

“I came to apologize,” Kurt started slowly, looking up through the leaves at the sky.

 

“You should not have to apologize for your opinions, Kurt,” Sam replied pragmatically. Sam drew his legs up, crossing them and shifting so he was sitting cross legged on the bench. “I told my cousin about me. About... us.”

 

Kurt hummed, unsure of how to respond. “How did she take it?”

 

“She hugged me. Told me she loved me. Told me to pray.”

 

Kurt nodded his head in wordless understanding. “Is that what you’ve been doing this past week? Praying?”

 

“Yes. I spent a lot of time pouring over my studies. Researching. Praying. This isn’t easy for me, Kurt, you need to understand. I didn’t even know there were other boys like me when I was Amish. It was a lustful thought, I pushed it away, I worked, I prayed. I didn’t realize it was a deep abominable sin. I care for you deeply Kurt, I do. But... It’s my family, Kurt. It’s my everything. What would I do if I ran from them? Where would I go? I would never be able to see my brothers or sisters again, nor my parents. I can’t... I think I’m going to go back. I never should have left.”

 

Kurt turned and watched Sam as the blond tipped back his face as tears seeped from his eyes and looked up at the sky. He wanted to take Sam into his arms, to kiss him and make it better. To tell him that it was all going to be alright. He wanted to scream and shake Sam. To slap sense into him. He didn’t understand. He didn’t understand the stifling oppression of faith nor the strict rules that came with it. It was crippling. It was tearing them apart.

 

“When are you going to leave?” Kurt asked, his own head tipping back to look up at the sky. To look at anything other than Sam.

 

“In two weeks, I think. My sister is getting married the first Thursday of November, I think I’ll return for that.”

 

Kurt nodded, his throat tightening, his stomach twisting in knots. “Do you want to be with me until then? Do you want to spend your _rumspringa_ with me and have it all wiped away when you go back home?”

 

Sam’s hand, warm and clammy, wrapped around his own, squeezing tightly. “Could you really do that? Could you really live with it?”

 

Kurt’s smile was bitter and it twisted easily. “No. And yes...”

 

Suddenly Sam was hugging him. Pulling him close, in a deep, tight embrace. Kurt sobbed softly, quietly as he pressed his face into the neck of Sam’s flannel shirt and breathed him in. They sat like that, embraced desperately for what felt like hours until Sam shifted, nuzzling into Kurt’s neck minutely, sniffling softly and dampening his skin with tears.

 

“Kurt I...”

 

Kurt’s hand tightened at the base of Sam’s neck, yanking painfully at his hair. “Don’t say it,” Kurt pleaded in a broken whisper, pressing his face tighter to Sam’s neck.

 

Sam nodded his head weakly and they sat there, interwoven, trying to become one, in silence.

 

~*~

 

They spent the two weeks trying to cram as much experience into the hours as possible. Kurt was trying to give everything to Sam that he could. They would marathon movies until their eyes fuzzed out and Kurt’s dad was screaming that it was midnight and Sam had to go home. It was a sense of chaotic urgency that became almost normal, almost comfortable. It was a distraction from what was really happening - from the fact that Sam was packing up and leaving Kurt behind. If they just watched another movie, one with more explosions, with more noise then they wouldn’t have to think about the fact that they were slowly and painfully breaking up.

 

They never said anything. They never talked about religion. They never talked about what Sam would do when he went home. They never looked at the future, only the now. They had established that they weren’t going to tell the others about what was happening. Sam didn’t want them to know that side of him like Kurt. It was something that was theirs and theirs alone.

 

They would spend days at school making plans shoved between long swathes of lesson work, and staring at one another during tests and long lectures. At lunch they would link hands and play footsie under the table or slip into the choir room for a quick make out session before slipping off to their classes semi-satisfied and smug. They held hands in the hall and after the first slushie from Azimo that had gotten the jock suspended for two weeks, no one bothered them.

 

In moments when they were sitting in Glee, thumbs rubbing against each other and silently communicating how annoying Rachel was, it was almost as if everything was alright.

 

Almost.

 

~*~

 

Sam smiled when he heard Emma lead Kurt into his bedroom. He was packing up all non-essentials. Two days to go. Kurt gave a tight lipped smile and watched as Emma slipped off, leaving the door open and with a reminder that Jonathan was going to be home in an hour. She left them alone; she knew of course, but she never said a word.

 

“Hey, I was not expecting you for another few hours.”

 

Kurt nodded and sat on the edge of Sam’s bed, his fingers skimming over the beautiful patchwork quilt Emma had made. “I have a favour I want to ask you.”

 

Sam dropped the last pair of jeans into the suitcase and sat down beside Kurt. “What is it?”

 

“I want to see...” Kurt started, his voice quiet, hesitant. “I want to go to Holmes County.”

 

Sam tensed, he sucked his lower lip into his mouth and lowered his eyes. After about a minute he nodded slowly. “Alright, but I do not want to stop and talk to anyone. We can drive through, okay? I can show you where I went to school. And...” Sam paused a moment, swallowing thickly. “I will show you my house and then we come back, okay?”

 

Kurt nodded his head, taking Sam’s hand and squeezing tightly, his smile supportive. “Okay, do you want to drive?”

 

Sam shook his head and pulled on a zipper hoodie, sticking his hands into the side pockets. “I don’t have a licence, remember?”

 

“Oh yeah.” Kurt gave a sheepish smile and slid up, pulling out his keys. “Ready?”

 

Sam nodded his head, his hand reaching for Kurt’s and curling around the slim brunette’s fingers. “Yeah, we should go before I change my mind.”

 

~*~

 

The drive had passed mostly in silence. They had run through a McDonald’s and Kurt had broken his rule about eating in the car because this was Sam and this was important. He’d just make sure to give his car a good wipe down later. The long stretches were spent by Kurt watching the scenery pass them by as Sam gave quiet directions. Or music playing softly in the background and Kurt would sing along quietly, sometimes Sam kicked in if he recognized the song.

 

The two hours passed without a fuss.

 

They pulled off the main highways as Sam lead them into smaller and smaller communities in Holmes County. It didn’t take long until they passed a well crafted wooden sign welcoming them to Walnut Creek Township. The main drag was modern enough, filled with cars and mom and pop shops. There was the occasional moment where Kurt would spot hitches for the horses, but there wasn’t much amiss.

 

They drove deeper into the outskirts, Kurt started to see more warnings for buggies as he drove and Sam warned him to slow down when he climbed hills. After about ten minutes outside of town they came upon their first horse-drawn buggie, it was going in the opposite direction - into town, and suddenly it all became very real to Kurt.

 

Up until that point it had been a story. Something placed away from him. Now he was here and he was looking through the lush rolling spans of green, mottled with crops and every so often houses and barns. It stopped being a story.

 

“You are going to come up to an intersection after the next farm. Then you need to go left.”

 

Kurt nodded and watched Sam out of the corner of his eye as he slowed near the stop sign. The blond was oddly quiet, peering out the windows with a strange mixture of longing and disgust radiating from his face. Kurt took the left.

 

“After the first hill you will see where I went to school.”

 

Kurt’s throat constricted and suddenly he found it hard to breathe. After the hill there was a long stretch of flat road and off to the side, nestled in a large patch of green, gated in with a white picket fence and next to a large, red maple tree was a bright yellow schoolhouse. Kids ranging in age were playing soccer as an older woman watched them. All the girls were in long dresses with smocks and bonnets, all the boys were in dark pants with dress shirts and suspenders. Most of them were sporting hats.

 

That had been Sam not too long ago. Sam had been one of those boys laughing and kicking the ball around in his homemade clothes without a care in the world. Kurt’s heart twisted viciously in his chest and he looked to Sam, who was slumped in his seat, one of his hands stroking absently at the window as he admired the living picture.

 

Kurt was torn from his thoughts as a buggy clip-clopped past them and he watched it go. The bright orange triangle on the back of the black enclosure an odd sight. “Hey, do you know how to drive one of those?” Kurt asked offhandedly.

 

“Hm?” Sam turned his eyes from the playing, carefree children and spotted the buggy. “Yeah. I started learning when I was eleven. They are hard to control after rain.”

 

Kurt made a scoffing noise and his mouth twisted into a smile. “A car you can’t handle, but two wild beasts lashed to a buggy isn’t a problem?”

 

Sam blinked and tilted his head. “We tame them first.”

 

Kurt laughed softly, patting Sam’s hand. “It was a joke. A bad one. Where to next?”

 

“Keep pulling ahead, the fourth farm on the right is my family’s.”

 

They pushed on the road and after about five minutes Sam told Kurt to stop. Kurt pulled the SUV to the side and killed the engine. Sam pointed and Kurt looked over the wide expanse of land, sitting at the top of a small incline was a bright red barn with a quaint house nestled among a few trees. Two horses were pulling a cart piled high with hay through the fields, a woman around twenty was following behind, hauling up bales and handing them off to a younger boy, maybe fourteen, who was shirtless in the unseasonably warm fall weather and piling the bales high. An older man, likely Sam’s father was seated in the front of the cart, steering the horses.

 

“That’s my older sister Sarah, and my younger brother Elijah.”

 

“How many siblings do you have?”

 

“Six. Four sisters and two brothers. I’m third oldest, all my sisters but Mary-Beth are my older siblings. Ida, she was the one you met at my cousin’s house, and Joan are all married, they live with their husbands. Mary-Beth is probably still in school along with Jason.”

 

“Do you want to go and talk to them?”

 

Sam shook his head, his eyes tracking his family as they worked. As the cart slowly turned, advancing closer to the house, Kurt caught sight of a chocolate lab running behind Sarah. “You have a dog?”

 

“Along with two cats, and a rabbit. Not counting our horses, chickens and cows.”

 

“What’s your dog’s name?”

 

“Abel.”

 

“Does everyone have Biblical names?”

 

“Almost everyone. It’s common to revere the Bible by naming your children after people named in the Bible.”

 

“Who are you named after?”

 

“Samuel, the prophet from Shiloh. He also served as judge and seer of God. He anointed Saul and David as Kings of Israel. He’s highly revered for helping to bring peace to Jerusalem.”

 

“That’s not such a bad person to be named after.”

 

Sam smirked a little, the look oddly twisted on his face. “It’s a lot to live up to.”

 

Kurt reached across the console and squeezed Sam’s hand, threading their fingers together. “I’m sure you’ll do everyone proud.”

 

Sam squeezed back and looked to Kurt before looking back out the window. “Yeah. I think I will miss music the most, though.”

 

“No music?”

 

“Not unless it’s a hymn or some other reverent song about God.”

 

“How did you learn guitar?”

 

“In town. When I would spend the time helping my mother sell eggs and candles, there was a music store next to where we sell... It was technically not allowed, but because I’m not baptized my mother let me learn... I would only play approved songs, though.”

 

Kurt’s eyes returned to the sight before them, to the Sam’s family working diligently. They looked so happy with their simplistic, hard working lives. “I bet you make them sound beautiful.”

 

Sam’s hand tightened around Kurt’s and he looked to the slim brunette. “Can we go?”

 

Kurt nodded and slipped his hand from Sam’s, starting up the SUV and pulling back onto the road.

 

The ride back was filled with thought-provoking silence.

 

~*~

 

Sam arrived a Kurt’s house late on their last night together. Kurt’s dad and Carole were gone on a weekend retreat and Finn was hanging out with Puck for the weekend. By the time Sam slipped inside, the sun was sinking low in the sky, washing it over in a sandy fire of oranges, reds and yellows. He was pleasantly surprised to see that Kurt had dressed down in a pair of jeans and an over-sized hoodie. What’s more Kurt had made a simple dinner of roast chicken and potatoes with a simple salad. They ate sitting side by side, fingers entwined, in the comfortable silence of the kitchen.

 

When they were done, Kurt slipped into the basement while Sam offered to clear the table and wash the plates. Kurt returned just as Sam placed the last dripping plate into the dish rack and took hold of Sam’s hand, leading him down into the basement.

 

“Oh, Kurt...” Sam stopped short on the last step as Kurt moved off into the basement. “You did all this for me?” The basement was dark, lit only from the well placed candles all over the room. It felt comforting; it felt like home. Sam stepped off the last stair and wrapped his arms around Kurt, pressing a soft kiss against his forehead. “Danke.”

 

Kurt’s arms wrapped around Sam’s shoulders as he swayed lightly against the other boy. His chin rested against Sam’s chest as he peered up into his face, smiling at the happiness reflected in Sam’s eyes. “Bitte sehr.”

 

Sam’s mouth quirked into a small smile and he ducked his head to press their mouths together lightly. “You speak German?”

 

“A few phrases. My grandmother taught me when I was younger.”

 

Sam rubbed their noses together lightly and let Kurt lead him to the couch, he sat, his arms around Kurt’s shoulders as they snuggled together. “So, what’s the plan for tonight?”

 

“I thought we could spend it however you want it; no TV, no movies, no distractions.” Kurt shifted a little and pulled over a cookie tin, opening it. “Also I plan on making you bow to my baking whims.”

 

Sam plucked out a cookie, it was soft and moist and he broke it in two, taking a bite. He chewed slowly, the cookie practically melting on his tongue and he inhaled sharply through his nose as he let his eyes close. “You made ginger spice cookies.”

 

“You like them?”

 

Sam finished the first cookie and rubbed his thumb against Kurt’s shoulder. “They’re amazing. Not as good as my mother’s but you can’t get the same result without a wood burning oven.”

 

Kurt punched Sam lightly on the arm before turning in Sam arms slightly. “So, what would you like to do?”

 

“Usually I spend my nights reading... But all my books are at home...”

 

“That’s okay, I have plenty. What are you in the mood for?”

 

“Surprise me. Why don’t we read you’re favourite book?”

 

Kurt stood, stretching languidly as he crossed towards his room. “Are you sure? It may not be your usual reading.”

 

“If you like it, I’m sure I will.”

 

Sam watched as Kurt slipped into his room, there was the sound of movement before Sam closed the tin of delicious cookies and stood. He picked up the candelabrum and cupped his hands over the flickering flames. What he was doing was bold, but it was his last night and he was desperately throwing caution to the wind.

 

Kurt’s room was ornate. Filled with posters of various musicals and people Sam didn’t recognize. A large closet was off to one side and firmly shut, a computer desk and chair with a Mac was sitting next to the closet, and Kurt was crouched over the bookshelf, which was being lit with the screen of his iPhone.

 

“Light is helpful when you need to see.”

 

“Shut up.” Kurt shot back weakly, but he didn’t protest when Sam moved closer to help.

 

Sam rested the candelabrum down on Kurt’s bedside table and swallowed thickly as he looked at Kurt’s bed, still half hidden in shadow. He took in a shaky breath and looked to Kurt who was still struggling to read in the dim light, his eyes clearly unused to it.

 

“Want me to get another set?”

 

“Thanks.”

 

Sam moved out of the bedroom quickly, letting out a rush of breath before finding an unlit kerosene lamp, he removed the chimney and plucked up a candle from its resting place and used it to light the wick. He adjusted the sprocket before placing the candle back into the holder and replaced the chimney before carefully grasping the lamp and moving back into Kurt’s bedroom.

 

“I brought a lamp, it should be brighter.”

 

“Thanks. I wasn’t sure how to light it.” Kurt admitted, looking up from his spot on the floor to Sam who set the lamp down beside the candelabrum. “Ah, got it.”

 

Kurt straightened and turned and Sam surged forward, pressing their mouths together. Kurt dropped the book and rose his hand to curl in Sam’s hair, humming softly as he pressed close. Kurt smiled when he pulled back, teasing the hairs at the base of Sam’s neck. “If you wanted to cuddle, you could have just said so.”

 

Sam nuzzled against Kurt. “I don’t know what I want. I want _you_.”

 

Kurt nipped at Sam’s neck and pressed kisses to the column of his throat, his hands lightly pushing at the zip up hoodie Sam wore over his t-shirt. His hands stroking over Sam’s bared arms. “Do you want to want to lie down and see what happens?”

 

Sam nodded, his face pressed into Kurt’s neck, he followed Kurt as Kurt backed up and pushed himself back onto his bed, resting against the pillows. Sam climbed onto the bed and kissed Kurt, half on top of him, half beside him. As Kurt pressed against him, hard and sweet, his tongue sweeping over Sam’s mouth, darting inside and sucking at Sam’s own tongue, Sam held him close.

 

Kurt pulled back, his body shuddering with the effort and bit at Sam’s shoulder and collarbone. He wanted to leave marks that he knew would linger under Sam’s buttoned down clothes. He wanted to leave memories etched into Sam’s flesh so Sam wouldn’t forget him so easily. He wanted to give Sam a night to remember.

 

“You feel so good,” Sam breathed against his skin, biting at his neck, leaving bruises that would no doubt linger.

 

Sam’s hands, calloused from work, pushed his excessively large hoodie. Kurt let out a shaky gasp and lifted his arms, swallowing heavily as Sam gently, shyly, pulled the shirt over his head and dropped it to the side off the bed. Sam rocked back on his heels, his eyes drinking in the sight of Kurt’s half naked body. Sam brushed his hands over the quivering muscles of Kurt’s stomach and leaned down to kiss him.

 

“You are so beautiful.”

 

Kurt flushed softly and pressed his lips gently to Sam’s, rubbing their noses together. “Can I take off your shirt?”

 

Sam hesitated, clearly nervous, before he nodded, sitting back as Kurt sat up, pulling off the loose t-shirt slowly, giving Sam time to stop him. He dropped the shirt down beside his own and craned his neck to press kisses against the well defined muscle. Sam gave a quiet groan, his fingers sifting through Kurt’s hair. He let himself be moved, pushed and prodded until his back was pressed into the cool pillows.

 

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.” Kurt assured. He was doing his best to sound calm and confident and not like he was utterly terrified and unsure of himself.

 

“I promise to let you know if I feel uncomfortable.”

 

Kurt nodded and let his body slide against Sam’s, groaning low in his throat when he felt Sam’s hardness press against his thigh. Sam shivered and his hips pressed forward with an urgent roll as he bit at Kurt’s lower lip.

 

“Kurt, I....”

 

“Shhh...” Kurt pressed kisses along Sam’s jaw, they were both unsure and trembling and Kurt was pretty sure neither of them would ever forget this. He slid a hand down Sam’s arm and clutched at his hand, raising it to brush a kiss over the knuckles. “I’m here.”

 

Sam nodded, a small smile flickering over his face, watching the shadows dance over Kurt’s skin as the brunette bowed his head to lick over his collarbone. His head tipped back and he shifted his leg, raising his knee slightly, fire going through him when Kurt hissed through his teeth. _Oh_... Kurt whined softly and pressed down against his leg and Sam’s world whited out for a moment at the sheer thought he was bringing pleasure to the other boy.

 

“Kurt...” Sam breathed out, his voice breaking when Kurt rolled their hips together in a burn of delightful friction. “Can we...” He stammered, his hand curving over Kurt’s neck as he drew him down into a chaste kiss. “I want to feel you against me.”

 

Kurt’s brows knitted in confusion before his mouth fell open in understanding. “Are you... are you sure?”

 

Sam nodded, his mouth pressing sweetly against Kurt’s. “Please, Kurt.”

 

Kurt nodded, wondering if maybe this was going to fast, but they only had tonight and the impending departure was nagging him in the back of his mind. He slid back and off the bed, pulling Sam with him, while they kissed, Kurt managed to tug the blankets down so they could slide in after. He broke the kiss and pressed his forehead to Sam’s shoulder, his body shaking.

 

“How do you want to do this?” Kurt asked, finally managing to calm down enough to speak.

 

“Um...” Sam scratched the back of his neck, thinking. “I could go first, I guess.”

 

Kurt nodded, sucking in a sharp breath. “Okay.”

 

Sam nodded his head, licking his lips nervously as his hand fell to his belt. Kurt watched his hands as they undid the belt and his eyes travelled back up Sam’s body, their eyes meeting and he gave a small smile. His heart was pounding in his chest and he could barely breathe when he heard Sam ease the zipper down and then the following sound of Sam’s jeans sliding down. Kurt let out a slow breath and let himself look at Sam. Really look.

 

He was gorgeous. His body was full of hard lines and defined muscle. Kurt sucked in his lower lip, his eyes drawing up Sam’s legs and finally seeing Sam’s hardness, resting between his legs. Kurt’s hands curled, fingers brushing against his palms as he was filled with the urge to _touch_.

 

“You’re uncut,” Kurt observed, shocked that was what left his mouth and that it came out in a surprisingly cool voice.

 

“Oh... Yeah. Does it bother you?”

 

Kurt shook his head, his mouth quirking upward. “Its sexy.”

 

Sam smiled and licked his lips, his eyes shyly watching as Kurt moved to remove the last pieces of clothing. Kurt unfastening his jeans and wiggled his hips slightly to ease the tight fitting denim down his hips. Suddenly he found himself very grateful that he hadn’t worn underwear. He was so nervous that he wasn’t sure if he would have been able to take them off. He stepped out of jeans, kicking them aside lightly with the side of his foot and rose his gaze to Sam’s.

 

Sam closed the gap between their bodies, giving a quiet gasp at the feel of their naked bodies pressed together and mouthed over Kurt’s neck. “You’re beautiful.”

 

“Look whose talking.” Kurt pushed Sam down on the bed lightly, slipping against his body with a happy whimper as he pulled the covers around them and closed them into their own special little world.

 

“God, you feel so amazing,” Sam panted against him, his hands roaming over Kurt’s naked body as he pressed kisses against Kurt’s neck and chest.

 

“You too...” Kurt’s body jerked under Sam’s exploring hands, his knees spread and hugging against Sam’s hips as he rocked down against the other boy. “S’good, Sam.”

 

Sam’s hands curved over the swell of Kurt’s buttocks, pulling the smaller male against his body insistently as he nipped at Kurt’s jaw and throat. Kurt’s head fell back, soft, pleasured noises as their naked bodies pressed together. Their cocks brushing and pressing in a perfect and infuriating amount of friction. Kurt’s hands grasped at Sam’s shoulders for leverage as he pressed their foreheads together, his eyes boring into Sam’s warm brown eyes as he panted open mouthed, shaking.

 

Sam shoved his hips up greedily as he kissed Kurt fiercely, the kiss full of passion as they strove for climax. Sam broke the kiss, nose brushing along Kurt’s collar bone as he felt tears of joy starting to build behind his lids. He blinked them back and moved a hand to stroke up Kurt’s spine and then tangle into Kurt’s hair, kissing him again as he felt the tears flow from behind his closed lids.

 

“Ich liebe dich.” Sam panted, unable to stop the words from leaving his mouth as he hid his face in Kurt’s neck.

 

Kurt hissed through his teeth, his hands moving to Sam’s hair and yanking until his head tipped back. “I told you not to say it. I told you.” Kurt’s voice was breaking, seconds away from tears.

 

“I love you, Kurt...” Sam breathed, nuzzling his face against Kurt’s. “God help me, I love you.”

 

Kurt’s hands slid to cup Sam’s cheeks as he kissed him deeply, his eyes slipping closed as tears fell down his cheeks. He broke the kiss with a desperate noise of passion and pressed his shaking body against Sam’s. “I love you too, oh God, Sam... I love you.”

 

Sam hushed Kurt, his arms drawing tight around Kurt’s shoulders. “Just kiss me.”

 

Kurt closed his eyes and kissed Sam. He broke and let everything inside of him go.

 

~*~

 

Kurt woke up when he heard a zipper sliding up. He sat up in bed slowly, watching Sam as he dressed himself. Kurt drew his legs against his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs and set his chin atop his knees.

 

“Were you going to leave without saying goodbye?”

 

Sam turned, shrugging on the black zip-up hoodie and zipped it up halfway and sat down on the bed, pressing his forehead to Kurt’s. “Never.”

 

Kurt nuzzled into Sam’s warmth before turning his head to the side and looking to the clock. It was before six. “How long until you have to go?”

 

“Ten minutes. I just called the cab. My bus leaves in an hour.”

 

Kurt nodded his head and wrapped his arms around Sam, pulling him close and breathing him in. He wanted to remember everything about him. Sam rested his head atop Kurt’s, his hands stroking over Kurt’s shoulders as he pressed soft kisses to the top of Kurt’s head. Slowly they parted and Kurt stood, pulling on his bathrobe and following Sam out of the basement.

 

Kurt turned on the coffee pot and pulled out a tupperware container with extra chicken and salad and pressed it into Sam’s hands, watching as Sam slid it into his back pack along with the tin of cookies and a bottle of water. They stood in the silence of the front hall, the main door open to reveal the front yard covered in light frost through the screen door. Sam stood, staring into the pink hued morning, his arms around Kurt, his head atop Kurt’s. Kurt shivered a little in Sam’s arms, his back flush to the blond’s chest as they stared down the driveway together. The chill of the early November air seeping into the warmth of front hall.

 

A white cab pulled into the driveway, idling behind Kurt’s SUV. Kurt felt Sam shift and he turned in his boyfriend’s arms, chin pressing against Sam’s chest, staring into his face. Sam ducked down and their mouths met softly, Sam pulled back, stroking the back of his hand down Kurt’s cheek. Kurt turned his face into the touch lightly, his breath coming in shallow heaves as he did his best to hold back his tears and not choke on his sobs.

 

Sam ducked down again, pressing his lips to Kurt’s forehead and cradled the brunette’s head to his chest a moment before he pulled back and pulled his bag on. His eyes were filling with tears and he looked away, closing his eyes and taking in a deep breath before looking back to Kurt. “God be with you.”

 

Kurt nodded his head, clenching his jaw to stop his chin from trembling as he squeezed Sam’s hands. “And you.”

 

Kurt watched as Sam walked out of his house and climbed into the cab. He waved as the cab pulled out of the driveway and disappeared down his street. Closing and locking the door, Kurt turned to get his morning coffee and start his before school routine.

 

~*~

 

School had been uneventful. There was talk about their opponents for Regionals, but Kurt’s mind was focused on Holmes County. He couldn’t even phone or email Sam. He was gone.

 

Kurt opened his locker three days after Sam left, it was still early morning; emergency glee practice. He hummed as he turned the lock, nodding absently to what Mercedes was saying as he tugged on the stubborn metal door. He blinked at the sight of a folded blue piece of paper tented atop his math text book. Reaching in, he pulled it out and unfolded it. _Turn around_.

 

Raising a brow, Kurt turned slowly, leaning against the opposite wall of lockers was Sam. Looking like he had never left. Dressed in a pair of jeans, a polo shirt and his letterman jacket. His hands were shoved in his pockets and he was smiling faintly. Kurt rushed across the gap, smacking Sam hard on the shoulders with his balled up fists as he grabbed hold of his jacket lapels and shook him softly.

 

“You jackass.”

 

“I missed you too.”

 

“I thought you were gone. I thought...”

 

“So did I. And then last night I was lying in bed and... I cannot even tell you what came over me, but I ran from my room and...” Sam shook his head, laughing softly. “I told them. I told them!”

 

Kurt’s throat tightened and he nuzzled into Sam’s chest. “What did they say?”

 

“They... They told me that they hoped I get better. They told me that they would pray for me. They told me they loved me and then they told me to leave.”

 

Kurt’s hands fell to grasp for Sam’s and he squeezed them tightly. “They shunned you?”

 

“Not officially. I have not yet been baptized so they cannot officially shun me. Instead, they will consider me to have left the faith before baptism. I am welcome back into the Church any time I am will to renounce the world and my sins and turn to God.”

 

Kurt nodded softly, aware of how much of an impact it would have on Sam. Unable to believe it. He squeezed Sam’s hands and then wrapped his arms around the blond. “Ich liebe dich.”

 

Sam’s head dropped to press a kiss atop Kurt’s head. “Ich liebe dich.” Sam nosed at Kurt’s hair, breathing in the familiar smell of his apple scented hair. “Besides, I still have to watch the Wizard of Is.”

 

Kurt rolled his eyes and laughed into Sam’s chest. “Oz.”

**Author's Note:**

> Okay! Hi everyone! A few notes about this story. The whole idea for this came up when I learned that Ohio is home to the largest Amish population in the world. At first I wasn't sure what I was going to do with the information; then I realized we haven't met Sam's family and that his references of pop culture are awkward and mostly extremely modern in Duets. They seem, in some ways, forced. As if he's try too hard to fit in and be "modern" and that's how this came about.
> 
> I made a very choice decision within the first paragraph that Sam wouldn't understand slang or sarcasm, because as with the Amish, English is a second language and much of their lives are rooted in eighteenth century activities. 
> 
> For those wondering what _rumspringa_ is; a good definition and outline can be found [here](http://amishamerica.com/what-is-rumspringa/). Information on Sam's sect of the Amish lifestyle can be found [here](http://amishamerica.com/whats-the-difference-between-new-order-and-old-order-amish/). Examples and a few phrases of Pennsylvania Dutch can be found [here](http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2449666/pennsylvania_dutch_words_phrases_pg2.html?cat=16).
> 
> The bible passage Emma read is Leviticus 18:22 "A man shall not lie with a man; it is an abomination". Sam's parting words to his mother were "God Bless You". 
> 
> Lastly, this whole thing was greatly aided by the BBC series _Amish: The World's Squarest Teenagers_ which I watched [here. I hope you all enjoyed this! Thanks for reading.](http://www.iwatchdocumentaries.com/documenatries/amish-worlds-squarest-teenagers-2010/)


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